Times are tight, but you still want to have a memorable holiday season. With fall approaching many of us are turning our thoughts to the holidays ahead. Whether you traditionally entertaining over the holidays or would like to for the first time, keeping to your budget is likely critical. Several simple tips and tricks, plus a few new holiday entertaining ideas can make all the difference.

Cost cutting measures can make a big difference in your budget. If you do opt for your traditional holiday open house, dinner party or cocktail party, limit the drinks served. Alcohol is a huge expense when entertaining, especially if you fully stock a bar. Consider serving a spiced cider or a lovely cranberry based cocktail to all your guests to reduce your expenses. Old fashioned, non alcoholic holiday punches are another great idea and are typically much more affordable than alcoholic drinks. There are several good boxed wines on the market now that are significantly more economical, but still quite drinkable.  Less expensive cuts of meat or vegetarian meals are another way to reduce the expense of your traditional holiday party. You might also consider sharing costs and hosting responsibilities with a friend or family member if you have the same or similar guests lists.

One of the best ways to fit holiday entertaining into your budget is to rethink your party planning. Replace your cocktail party with a family tree trimming party. Invite everyone and their kids, serve cocoa and cookies and string popcorn and cranberries or sing holiday songs. You could also consider organizing a cookie swap to share baked goods with friends in lieu of the usual party, or even plan a party around a much anticipated holiday season ball game and serve sandwiches and snacks. Casual meals also offer the option of an old fashioned potluck. Let everyone bring a dish to share and relax.

More formal holiday activities can work without breaking the bank, as long as you step away from plans to throw large dinner or cocktail parties. Dessert parties are a great choice, allowing you to entertain for an evening with limited stress and without spending a lot. You can make dessert or splurge and buy a luxurious treat or two to share with friends or family. Serve coffee, a hot alcoholic beverage or a dessert wine, depending upon the treat you choose. Hosting a breakfast or brunch may also cut your costs and help you stay within budget. Consider throwing a wine tasting, asking each guest to bring their favorite to share. Serve a variety of fondues and dips. Fortunately, many of these money saving ideas can save valuable time during the holiday season as well.

TIP: Takes some notes from our Summer party ideas.

Throwing a Halloween Party?

We recommend Dry Ice arrangements to make a spooky fog or maybe a fog machine to make things more fun.  There are several games you can play such as where you say Halloween related phrases in a circle or your typical party games.  Why not a spin the bottle Halloween style?  Well, I guess an OUIJA board would serve that purpose a little better to be in the ghostly spirit.

Themed Parties

Think of a theme such as a 80’s, 90’s, or White Trash Theme.  This year with the presidential election you could come up with a theme party.  Dress up as Sarah Palin, Ellen, or even Hillary.  I always thought it would be fun to have a Party Monster party or even a Drag Queen party where every one has to dress as the opposite sex.

Christmas Parties

If you are throwing a serious Christmas extravaganza then consider some of these top ten gift ideas for your friends and relatives.  If for fun, then go for these gag gifts for the Secret Santa.

Our hunt today is to find out what’s good in the world of gay, independent film making. That’s a pretty large subject, larger than you might first think. What names come to mind when you think of gay indies? Jerek Jarman was first on my list, ‘Sebastian’ closely followed by Gus Van Sant, ‘My own private Idaho’ and ‘Even cowgirls get the blues’. Searching around the net I found a staggering amount of independent gay movies – independent as opposed to Hollywood. I mean, there haven’t been that many gay blockbusters have there? Brokeback Mountain was said to be the first but anyone who has watched The Wizard of Oz might take issue with that.

There are, of course, some famous ones: Pricilla Queen of the desert, To Wong Foo, thanks for everything Julie Newmar and The Birdcage, for example, though with that last one I would recommend the original La Cage aux folles. But what other gay movies are out there that you may not have heard about? That’s what I thought I would find out for you.

Have you heard of Law of Desire? This 1987 film from Spanish director Pedro Almodovar stars Antonio Banderas stalking the man of his dreams - and yes, there is a man-sex scene in there. Do you remember My beautiful laundrette, with Daniel Day Lewis? This caused quite a storm when it first came out thanks to the overt homosexuality and interracial relationships, particularly as Daniel plays a gay skinhead.

As we’re in Britain at the moment, what about Beautiful Thing? Directed by Hettie Macdonald and set in inner London this too caused quite a stir when it was released. It had enjoyed a good West End run as a play before transferring to the big screen and is something of a collectors’ item.

Ok, so there is a wealth of good, and not so good, gay indies out there to find – but where to find them is the next question. Try strandreleasing.com an online shop that has several genres, one of which is Gay and Lesbian. It’s interesting to note that many gay films deal with AIDS and you have to wonder if independent film makers would have found an audience for their gay films were it not for AIDS – it is the subject of many good indie films. (I know there were the likes of Midnight Cowboy before AIDS, but those films didn’t really have ‘gay’ as the central theme, or else they portrayed gay people as the bad guy or the comedy camp role, if at all.)

Zero Patience, directed by John Greyson stands out as one to find on line and buy. It looks at the alleged first man to bring AIDS to the USA and is by turns funny, dramatic and sad. There is also the fabulous Geoffrey, with Patrick Stuart in a camp role adding humor. This story is about a guy refusing to ever have sex again for fear of catching HIV. It too is a mix of funny and sad, with Mother Teresa playing the piano to top things off at the end.

Many of these indie films have come, originally, from plays but there are still many good plays waiting in the wings to be made into films. To find out what’s coming up in the world of gay independent films take a look at filmmovement.com where, among other things, you can find out about the 20th London Lesbian and Gay film festival. That was only one search result, festivals like this happen in Seattle, Paris, Tokyo and many other places. It’s just a question of how you search.

The rumors have been spreading like wildfire ever since the Sticky & Sweet tour started this fall that Madonna and Guy Ritchie would divorce because they are having martial problems. We heard about Alex Rodriquez the baseball player she may have had an affair with and then there was

I have wondered what took so long with Madonna and Guy Ritchie breaking up. He was the main reason that Madonna and her brother supposedly quit talking and he never really got behind her music. He was too busy being jealous of Madonna’s accomplishments and not really doing anything for himself.

Let’s all hope that the pre-nuptial agreement was around before they got hitched. I am afraid from some of the news stories I have read that they may not have had a pre-nup which could really put a dent in Madonna’s worth. According to the Sun.co.uk who originally broke the story they said they were more worried about the kids than anything.

This news just so happens right in the middle of her Sticky and Sweet tour hitting Boston, MA. Madonna is scheduled to perform tonight at 8pm at the TD Banknorth Gardens. I will be attending the concert myself on Thursday and very excited to see her new show!!

Madonna has also been in the news this week for banning Sarah Palin from attending her concert and wearing high heels that look like a gun sparking controversy with some gun rights groups. Teens wear gun and knive logos on their shirts these days bought from Pac Sun and MetroPark and Madonna is doing nothing but stomping on the gun with her feet she is not pointing it at anyone. Although she did say she would beat up Sarah Palin… I hope someone will!!

Peter Tatchell, writing in the Guardian (UK) recently, reported that despite the ‘improved’ security situation in war torn Iraq, Islamic death squads are engaged in a ‘homophobic killing spree. The Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani issued a fatwa urging the killing of lesbians and gays “in the most severe way possible”’, Tatchell says.

David Grey, producer for the gay film company Village Film, recently made a short film entitled ‘Queer Fear – gay life, Gay death in Iraq.’ The movie charts the tragic stories of several Iraqi individuals who are gay; it is not an easy movie to watch. Since its release, it is said, the situation has not improved, and it may in fact have become worse for gay and lesbian people in Iraq.

The reality is that in today’s ‘liberated’ Iraq, being gay or lesbian has become a death sentence. (Just as it is for a woman to have sex outside of marriage.) Anyone who is deemed to be insufficiently devout and pure is at risk of assassination, particularly in areas such as Basra, a city that the British military have now abandoned. This is, in effect, sexual cleansing and the death squads are boasting that they have exterminated all “perverts and sodomites” in many of the country’s other main cities.

There is a covert gay rights movement in the country. We know this because several members of it have gone missing after documenting the abuse of rights and the killing of gay men and women, and getting the news to the outside world. Commentators believe that the situation in Iraq is now worse for lesbian, gay and transgender people than it was under the rule of Saddam Hussein.

But, in the true spirit of the free voice, Iraqi LGBT is bringing the news to the world at large and trying to make a difference. Their site, iraqilgbtuk.blogspot.com, based in the UK, is keeping a watch on international reportage while raising funds to help fight the cause. It was while browsing this site that I found more, yet similar, disturbing news:

“This morning, [25th September 2008, just after the Tatchell article was published] news came from Iraq that the coordinator of Iraqi LGBT in Baghdad, Bashar, aged 27, has been assassinated in a barber shop. Militias burst in and sprayed his body with bullets.”

What can the Iraqi people do about it? You may well ask. Sadly the answer is not a lot. Going to the police for protection is a non-starter as the police are infiltrated by fundamentalists, especially in the Badr militia. Pro-fundamentalist ministers in the Government are turning a blind eye to the killings and, if one’s government will not help, who else is there? There are organizations like Iraqi LGBT, doing what they can from a distance, and individuals too can add their voice and their views. Outrage, the direct action group formed in the UK to fight what they see as violations of human rights in the GLBT community, also accept donations and provide help to Iraq GLBT. And the media around the world is slowly picking up on the subject, I am thinking of recent articles in Newsweek and the UK gay paper, the Pink Paper, in particular here.

Your own views are your own of course and not everyone will read the above from the same viewpoint as those who report it. But the clear message is that, in this part of the world, a battle rages between the religion and rights, a battle that will going on for many years and may never end. Which means the killing of fellow LGBT people will never stop either. Unless those of us lucky enough to be born elsewhere try to make a difference.

NOTES:

Queer Fear,  the mentioned movie is available to stream at http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=uB7TcPGXlHY

Each school year brings some of the most interesting news when it comes to college fraternities and high school sports hazings.  Last month, several high school football players were accused of sodomizing six younger teammates with a broomstick (size queens) during training camp.  What brings on this sort of thing in testosterone driven sports and initiations in frat houses?

‘Hazings’ are also known as ‘initiations’ – things that one group of people will do to another person in order for that person to be allowed to join a group, gang or even a Fraternity. The word derives from a 17th century Scottish word meaning to frighten, scold or beat cattle while driving them, and from the French Haser, to tease or insult.

No surprises then that Hazings have received some bad press as many initiation ceremonies go further than just simple teasing, and include harassment, humiliation and even physical abuse. You may have seen movies such as The Skulls (2000) which took entry into a college fraternity as its theme – the guys there started out with fun and adventurous rituals to perform, such as stealing the weathervane from a tower. But these soon started to turn nasty and dangerous, both physically and emotionally, for the characters. And that’s the warning.

Hazing has been a popular activity in school and sports institutions for many years, especially among the male of our species. I can remember innocent things which we now call hazing; having to carry someone’s bags, or being dared to do something only slightly mischievous like make a face at a teacher behind his back. Now though these things are becoming increasingly more brutal and institutions and individuals are finding themselves in court over what they have allowed to happen. Here is an example from nola.com, dated May 2008: “Five members of a Tulane University fraternity were arrested Tuesday and five others are being sought on felony battery charges in an alleged hazing incident in which two pledges received second- and third-degree burns from boiling water and crab-boil being poured on their bodies.”

But not all hazings involve such extreme measures and there can be a lot of pleasure to be gained from viewing home videos (on the Tube sites for example) and realty movies on some adult sites – particularly as hazing is fast becoming a fetish genre in the adult industry.

Here’s an example: I searched out collegehazing.com a site dedicated to the practice of sexual humiliation among new guys at college. Images here ranged from guys who were simply ‘mooning’ (showing off their asses) to being bound and stripped. Having to flash one’s dick to the general public is a fairly common and innocuous activity, but licking someone’s ass in order to be accepted in to a football team may leave a nasty taste in the mouth, particularly if you’re a straight guy. Many of these initiations happen during parties, or certainly when there is alcohol around and it is not uncommon to see guys who are unconscious through too much drink being stripped, and even masturbated, while the others look on and the cameras click away.

So is it always a homoerotic pastime I ask myself? Is there always a sexual side to hazing? No, not always but it does seem that even the straightest of football players will stand by and watch as another guy gets naked. It may build team spirit and help the guys to bond but how far will they go to be in a team? Cyd Zeigler Jr., on outsports.com points out: Many of the acts that younger players are submitted to are also homoerotic or homosexual. Licking each other’s bodies, simulating sex acts, forced sodomy with various objects – these acts work on two levels. First, they reinforce the notion that same-sex affection is weaker; the subjected men are rarely “hazed” with forced affection from someone of the opposite sex. Second, they serve to satisfy the latent homosexuality of many of the players involved.

So hazing, in these all male situations, is about domination, both of the body and the mind. It can be seen on various levels: fun, when innocuous; sexual, when nudity, simulated and even actual sex is involved; and powerful as, at the end of the day, the group, the herd, tribe, sports team or gang is the thing that holds the power to accept or reject the person fighting for the right to join them. The trouble is, in the wrong hands or when out of control it can simply go too far.

While money management is not a specifically queer issue, there are some special concerns that can impact GLBTQ individuals. These can range from poor spending and saving habits to issues connected with taxation, retirement savings, and social security. Moreover, much of the financial advice available online and in print is geared toward couples with the protections of marriage as opposed to a community without those financial benefits. You may also find that you need specialty investment advice when planning for retirement.

Many of the financial problems in the queer community are much like those elsewhere. Overspending and lack of savings are both relevant issues within the community as a whole. Preventing overspending is easier than you might think. In the simplest, terms spend less than you make. Making a budget with categories for your housing costs, transportation, food and entertainment will help you avoid falling into an overspending trap. Entertainment can be a big expense, particularly if you are still single. Make sure that you budget for meals out, drinks at the bar and other costs in order to keep your budget in check. Be especially careful with credit cards. You should also set reasonable savings goals and take advantage of any retirement savings plans your employer may offer. An emergency savings account is also a smart financial move for anyone, and should, ideally, be enough for you to live on for several months.

One of the biggest issues for many GLBT individuals is handling financial issues within a relationship. Unfortunately, same-sex couples often bear higher financial burdens than heterosexual couples. You may not be able to take advantage of a partner’s employer provided health insurance, will pay higher taxes, and have to be certain that wills and powers of attorney are in order.

Some couples choose to maintain individual finances; however, a long term relationship typically comes with some joint responsibilities. Joint checking accounts and shared investment accounts are both options when managing your money. Shared property ownership is legally viable and easier than you might think. Consider making sure that all real property, including your home and vehicles is in both your names.

You will need to have your will and other legal paperwork in order. Also, do keep in mind that your partner and even your children depending upon legalities may not have survivors’ rights to your social security. Additional life insurance may be a smart financial move to protect your family. Check with local queer support resources for a recommendation for a financial advisor or attorney experienced in helping couples with retirement and estate planning if needed.

Our community often finds itself avoiding some important health issues, especially for women. Too often, we assume that since we do not need contraceptive services we can ignore the importance of regular visits to the gynecologist. What should you know about your health? What issues do you need to discuss with your doctor or care provider? How is your overall health and how does your sexuality impact your health?

First, find a queer friendly gynecologist or health care provider. For many women, a family practitioner or even a nurse practitioner at your local Planned Parenthood office may be a better option than a traditional gynecologist. Whoever you choose to provide your health care should be queer friendly and understanding of the special concerns of the lesbian community. Do be prepared to advocate for yourself.

The tests you regularly need will vary depending upon your age, special health concerns and sexual behavior. You should keep in mind that while the risk of STD transmission for lesbians is lower than for heterosexual women, it is not nonexistent. Gay.com/health offers an easy breakdown of possible STD risks. Women in committed relationships or those who religiously practice safer sex with their partners may feel comfortable without STD testing. You should be comfortable discussing your sexual behavior with your health care provider so the two of you can best assess which tests should be a part of your regular care.

Breast and cervical cancer screenings should occur as recommended by your health care provider, ideally annually. Keep in mind that regular screenings are critical for early cancer detection and the best chance of successful treatment. The frequency of pap smears and breast cancer exams will depend on your personal health history, age and other factors. It can be easy to skip regular exams, especially without the need for contraception; however, establishing care with a trusted provider and having screenings as appropriate is critical to overall good health. Both health care providers and patients are guilty of assuming that the lack of male sexual partners eliminates the risk of cervical dysplasia and thus the need for routine pap testing. More information on cancer screening for lesbians and other queer women can be found at temenos.net.

Some information indicates that women who have primarily had female sexual partners may be at higher risk for breast, endometrial, and ovarian cancers. This is an individual issue, related not to sexual behavior but rather to pregnancy and the use of oral contraceptives. Certain behavioral issues in the lesbian community can contribute to health risks. These include higher rates of smoking, excessive alcohol consumption and obesity. Again, your personal risk factors for these issues may be low, but they should be considered when seeking out health care.