I walked out to the mailbox today and was in shock when I opened it. I thought I was timewarped to the 1990’s when I was 16 years old and was at the bookstore and sneaked away from my family to look through the pages of a XY Magazine. Back then it was a great magazine that helped us deal with being gay and coming out. It also brought happiness to us by seeing the pics of the hotties and read stories about them instead of seeing the girls and girl talk you read in most teen magazines.

Although, It has been maybe a year or at least several months since I received an XY Magazine in the mail with a letter attached to it asking for a donation. I think I paid for a subscription to support the magazine as I do many gay magazines (advocate, OUT, Instinct, etc.). You can add Men’s Health, GQ, and Details to the list if you think those are gay.

The problem is that most gay teens in the year 2008 do not know about XY.com or XY Magazine. If you type in gay teen personals into Google you will get an AOL site that comes up first. Then if you type in gay teens in google you get Chadz Boys (chadzboys.com) which offers support and may be a good resource online. ChadzBoys is ranked 324,716 in Alexa above XY which is ranked 352,041.

XY Magazine used to be so popular that you could type in the keyword “XY” or “Gay Teen” and get it to come up in AOL. You know the old software version of AOL that used to bog down your computers that is all but extinct now (just like most magazines and newspapers).

The XY site online says in the title it has been around since 1996 and that is not true. This magazine has been around longer than the AOL Keyword days and we know that was way before 1992. I would just drop the been around since from the title of the site because the youth could care less how long something has been around. They want something that is around now… not a fallen hero.

The fact that About.com (owned by the New York Times), Wikipedia.org, and Student.com own the results in Google for the term “gay teen” that is very sad. It is sad because these are mostly corporate owned companies and not owned by the gay community. Wikipedia is an exception but it should be on page two or so on this term since its a freaking encyclopedia and is NOT a resource for gay teens who are searching for help or comfort online.

The website over at XY.com ask most to be a member before stepping inside then you go inside for non-members and barely see five articles. I mean what kind of resource is this. As for personals, this site is not too bad and its free but cannot compare to myspace or facebook where you get to know quite a bit about anyone before meeting them.

You have to give XY Magazine props because they were able to get themselves seen in bookstores at a time of gays not being accepted. Especially with covers you would see on girl’s teen magazines but aimed at boys and that is just something that does not happen much. So I give credit to Peter Ian Cummings for a job well done back in the day. I just think here in 2008 that XY.com and Gay.com have both lost their ways and lost their focus.

I have been an investor in Planet Out which owns Gay.com and Out Magazine. Jim Cramer a year or two ago talked about Planet Out stock and said they need to make their content free. Well they sort of did but their site is so hard to navigate that it would not even matter. They also set up some blogs and you would think they would be making more money now but I cannot even tell you what their stock price is… my investment was lost from what I can tell or their ticker was changed – I will have to look into that more!

Gay.com should have made chat easier and personals free. Gay.com is not a niche site it is a very popular site that should all be free with advertisements. They could have incorporated the ads on the chat with a better, improved chat but nothing has been improved on that site in several years. I was in Paris and no one was using Gay.com chat they were all using Manhunt and GayRomeo.com.

So those of you asking What Happened to XY Magazine? or Why isn’t anyone on Gay.com personals anymore. It is because the gays youth have went over to the corporate-owned sites such as About.com and Myspace. If you want them then re-invent yourself. Take notes from Madonna bitches because she knows how to reinvent herself!

UPDATE:  I have to give XY Magazine credit for their article on gay teen killing in Iraq.  These kids were 14 years old and killed so cruely and I am so glad that XY Magazine brought this to light.  Iraq and Iran are killing off the most beautiful souls that exist in that tragedy of a place.

Being young and queer is, regardless of family and school situations, hard. There is no way around this reality, and it is no surprise that suicide rates are horribly high among gay, queer and transgender youth. Coming out can be terrifying and remaining closeted is fundamentally no better. Having the right resources can help you sort out conflicting feelings, manage the challenges of being young and out, and can allow you to sort through the difficulties managing family, friends and relationships.

If you are still in school, bullying and basic physical safety may be a real concern. Gay and lesbian teens are much more apt to be bullied, and may not find the school administration to be helpful. Webmd.com offers more information on bullying and gay teens. Unfortunately, most of us are aware that bullying often leads to physical violence against GLBTQ teens. More and more schools are working to combat these issues and create a more welcoming environment. If your school has a Gay-Straight Alliance or participates in Day of Silence, dayofsilence.org, activities, these can be a good way to judge the overall environment of the school before coming out.

Coming out to family and friends can range from nerve wracking to devastating. While you should not underestimate the love of your family, assess what you know about their views before coming out. HRC.org offers some great information on coming out to family and friends. You might also consider providing your family with brochures and meeting times for PFLAG, or even just the website link community.pflag.org. If you believe that coming out puts your safety, shelter or emotional health at risk, waiting until you have moved out of your family’s home is valid and reasonable. While we all hope to be able to come out and be accepted, your physical well being may need to be a priority while you are young.

One of the serious issues facing our community is the rate of depression and suicide among gay youth. While it is not surprising that gay and lesbian teens struggle with bullying, acceptance and self acceptance, there is help available. If you have a local gay and lesbian center, they may offer a support group for teens or free confidential counseling. In many cases, if you need a ride or other assistance, they may be able to help. If you are suicidal or in crisis, call Trevor’s Hotline at 866-4-U-TREVOR or online at thetrevorproject.org. Trevor’s Hotline is staffed by trained volunteers and is a 24 hour hotline for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning young people.

Another issue that must be mentioned that effects all young people, but in today’s world of abstinence only sex ed is more critical than ever is just that. If you need honest, clear information about sex, and about sexual issues that impact queer youth, see scarleteen.com or goaskalice.columbia.edu.

Bullying is Still a Problem for Teens

Above you will find some resources for gay youth in time for the Fall school season.  London has many subway ads proclaiming that Being Gay is OK and not to bully.  More ads ran in the US might be useful in buses and subways.  It could be the smaller towns where we see it most and the more black prominent schools have always been worse with bullying even though they are considered a minority.

My solution to most bullying in highschool, middleschool, and elementary is to encourage a mandatory dress system giving students black and white clothes to choose from so you do not have brand bullying.  This would also include certain shoes since shoe brands are a big bullying problem.  Hair should not be mandatory and should be freedom of choice if someone wants to have a mohawk or have pink hair that should be their expression.

Have you ever sat and watched the Olympics for the wrong reason? I bet you have. I bet most people have and I also bet that they aren’t watching the shooting or the marathon, good though those events are. I’m thinking of sexy guys in tight lycra speedos and swimwear here – the Greek/Roman wrestling, the gymnastics and the diving. Where else can you get to see so much toned muscle, smooth skin and intriguing bulges for free?

Well, you can search around the net of course and see what you can come up with. Let’s try a search with an image search engine, for Olympic Swimmers, and see who was the hottest swimmer at the Beijing Olympics 2008.

Michael Phelps without a doubt. There are hundreds of cool (or I should say ‘hot’) pics of him to be had. I could list hundreds of URLS but that would look unsightly, instead here is my favorite page: squarehippies.com It contains several images of the smooth-skinned hunk and we’re particularly fond of the ones where he wears he swim-shorts very low on his hips, giving us a tantalizing view of the Olympic tattoo. (I know most swimmers shave their chests but do they also shave their pubic hair do you think? Yum.)

(Oops, I was just distracted by a site I found that’s dedicated to hunky sportsmen. Check out fitsportsmen.blogspot.com for sexy muscle guys and hot swimmers.)

Back to Beijing and then off to towleroad.com/michael_phelps. Yes it’s him again, it seems every page that concerns Olympic Swimmers at the moment concentrates on Michael Phelps, and rightly so, he’s done a great job. But this page compares him to the man whose records he beat, Mark Spitz, also sexy in his, now slightly old-fashioned, way. Scroll down that page to find magazine cover shots of more sexy swimmers including Ryan Lochte.

I’m delving further into what folk who post on the Web think is sexy, when it comes to athletes from the Olympic Games – and concentrating on the men. I’m full up with Phelps so am talking generally here. How about the USA Gymnastics team? Six sexy guys including redhead Justin Spring and sexy Alexander Artemev. The official site, usa-gymnastics.org gives you pics and profiles. Or Australian diver Matthew Mitcham? Not only did he have the courage to dive from a 10-metre platform but he also had the courage to come out and declare his homosexuality before competing in the games, the first Australian athlete to do so. And he’s good looking too but hitched, so you can forget snuggling up to his tight, wet body after a quick dip in the pool.

Ok, so we know there are plenty of good looking and naturally fit guys out there getting wet, standing on diving boards or flinging themselves around in a water polo game but what makes them so sexy? Apart from their looks and bodies of course. I reckon it’s what they wear. Swimwear that just about reveals everything when wet, not those all on one body suits, though they can be sexy too. What they wear must be approved months before the games take place. Suits are designed to eliminate drag in the water and there is a debate as to whether swimmers go faster depending on what suit they are wearing. But I think the purpose of a swim-suit isn’t to make the swimmer go faster, it’s to make our pulses race faster, particularly when you have a stunning looking guy stretching on a diving board or bending over on the starting blocks about to dive in. You know he’s going to come out wet with that suit clinging to him…

Oh well, only another four years to wait for the next round of hot Olympian swimmers.

TOO HOT: Be careful searching for Michael Phelps official myspace page. I have seen many phishing sites and fake myspace and facebook pages generated in the searches for the official page. After searching for several minutes I came across what looked like his real myspace but I do not really think it is. We will keep you updated if we find the official or real myspace pages for the hot swimmer.

It seems that not a year goes by without some kind of scandal hitting the TV show American Idol. It makes you wonder if the producers do it on purpose to boost ratings – I know I certainly would if I wanted to get my show splashed across the pages of websites and newspapers. In the past, either by accident or design, several scandals have threatened to overshadow the show itself.

Remember Frenchie Davis’ adult web site photos? She was booted off the show because of some raunchy pics on the net. Corey Clark spilled the beans on his alleged relationship with Paula Abdul and I couldn’t help noticing from the coverage that he said he was writing a ‘tell-all’ book on the subject. Well, if you can’t get fame one way…

But what’s all this about David Hernandez? This one hadn’t reached me yet so I checked out some of the news sites on the web to get to the bottom of it all. Looks like the 24 year old singer once worked as a stripper in a cabaret bar in Phoenix. ‘Dick’s Cabaret’ was the rather unimaginative name of the place. The manager was reported as saying that David used to lap dance, he had the right look, he stripped, he was good at what he did. So what? Why is there such a fuss about someone taking his clothes off in order to earn cash and bring people pleasure at the same time?

Ah… I see, it was a gay cabaret bar – or at least the clientele were ‘mostly men’. Shock horror indeed that a clean looking guy with good features and a nice voice, competing to get to the top of a TV competition should once have flashed his dick at some guys and had money pushed into his thong. But, as an impartial observer, I don’t think that is what the real outcry was about. I think it was about two things:

One, it was a ‘mainly male’ audience. If he had performed for women I’m sure the ‘scandal’ would have only upped his rating in the show; he’s a pretty good looking guy and I wouldn’t mind seeing him get his kit off. And two, a man who used to strip was allowed to appear on a family show on American TV! ‘How dare they allow such outrage? My children were watching.’ (Moral right shouting from their armchairs here, not me.) According to VoteForTheWorst.com there was a rumor that David also had a boyfriend and they posted pics of him working at a gay nightclub. (‘A gay nightclub!’ Bellows the almost apoplectic old codger from his armchair.) Actually there are some topless pics of him on that site that are with a look but no stripping video or pics yet, shame.

I tried to follow up on the story to see what the outcome was but most ‘news’ sites were simply copying The Associated Press story that first laid down the facts: American Idol contestant once stripped in front of gay men. There was a little more interesting information from the guys at the infamous and alcohol free cabaret bar (voted “best gay male revue” by The Phoenix New Times in 2004). They believed David gave up his job there because of going into the TV show and they also said that he didn’t used to sing in the cabaret. And there the story seems to peter out. Unless you go to the rather excellent MTV site and catch up on all the American Idol news at MTV.com (topics American idol).

So, a storm in a tea cup, or in a thong perhaps? A publicity stunt by the show to boost ratings? Someone trying to stir a little mud? At the end of the day who cares what someone did in their past (as long as it was moral and legal), if the boy can sing let him sing. If he can strip, let him strip. If he can do both at once… Now that would be a reality TV show worth watching.

We all know this is a big issue in our community. How does it break down, and what’s happening in the states currently? What does it all really mean to you? If you have a partner, it may mean quite a lot in terms of health care, credit, benefits and your rights and responsibilities.

Only one state, Massachusetts, allows same sex partners to marry, issuing marriage licenses to same sex couples just as they would heterosexual couples. Domestic partnerships and civil unions offering all the rights accorded a married couple under state law are an option in California, New Jersey, Vermont, Connecticut, and New Hampshire. Some legal protections are available as domestic or civil unions without all the protections of heterosexual marriage in Hawaii, Washington, the District of Columbia, and Oregon.

Many states that recognize same sex marriage or unions will recognize those granted in other states. Unfortunately, states without such unions as an option will not legally recognize such a union from another state. Furthermore, twenty-six states have constitutional amendments barring the recognition of same sex marriages, and some forty-three have statutes confining marriage to a relationship between a man and a woman.

Laws regarding same sex marriages and civil unions can impact each of our lives in ways we may not have considered. A Michigan Supreme Court ruling has recently deemed that the state cannot offer benefits to domestic partners in any way because of the state’s constitutional amendment banning recognition of same sex marriages and unions. There is worry that a similar amendment in Florida could create the same legal situation. While some institutions, like the University of Michigan, are responding by creating language that still allows for domestic partner benefits, this is a significant concern for many of us.

What can we expect to see in terms of laws regarding same sex unions in the foreseeable future? As you might imagine, that will largely depend upon the outcome of the 2008 election. Both Democratic candidates oppose same sex marriage, but support civil unions. They do, however, believe it is a matter best left to the states. Barack Obama supports a full repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) while Hilary Clinton only supports a partial repeal. McCain has flip-flopped on gay issues, including civil unions, but does not support a federal ban on gay marriage.

The realities: for a long time to come, unless you’re lucky enough to live coastal or are willing to move, you will be creating the legal aspects of your relationship with durable powers of attorney and commitment ceremonies in front of friends and family. Any hope of widespread legalized same sex unions of any sort is still a long way off.

A weak spot of HIV may have been discovered and the world may now be a safer place from the HIV battle.  Doctors in Houston may have found the cure to destroy the disease in some breaking news about HIV treatment.  Although the bad news is that it will take at least five years for people with HIV to be helped by the research.  Even then its best not to get our hopes up too much but we should stay ambitious about finding a cure to this virus.

Can HIV Be Destroyed?

Reality television is an unavoidable phenomenon in today’s world. Not surprisingly, television’s GLBT network, LOGO has a hand in the reality TV market. While I’ll admit my own television provider does not carry LOGO, Gimme Sugar is one of my guilty indulgences. Fortunately, logoonline.com provides the video for those of us without access on our home TVs.

The premise of Gimme Sugar is simple. A group of twenty-something women in L.A.’s lesbian club scene are working to launch and promote their own club night in this competitive market. Not surprisingly, this isn’t exactly a drama free undertaking, and there are break ups and make ups, fights and friendships.

Any reality show is only as good as the cast. If you don’t care about the lives of the people on the show, you simply will not care about the show itself. Fortunately, it’s quite easy to get wrapped up in the lives of Charlene, Alex, Robin, Sayeh, Davonee, and Bathilda. Charlene is the manager of the Truck Stop and one of the minds behind the L.A. lesbian club scene. L.A. just wouldn’t be L.A. without those looking for the spotlight, and Alex and Davonee are both hoping for that spotlight. Sayeh and Robin are both new to the club scene in Los Angeles, and Sayeh is new to the group of friends. Bathilda is the hit of the club scene, both gay and straight.

Is this deep and life changing television? Well, no…but it is a fun summer romp. There are some great things about this little show. First, the women are all friends in real life, who started their venture to offer the underage Alex a chance to go clubbing with all the rest. It’s racially diverse, offering young women of color a chance to see media images that look like them reflected in this show. It features a gay-positive social environment and network, and presents an image of successful and happy young queer women. Nothing is perfect, however, and the show does often reflect the biphobia of our community in the women’s critical interactions with bisexual Alex. It is, fundamentally, just another show in this genre, this one just happens to have young lesbians as its cast.

This new reality show airs on LOGO on Mondays at 10:00 PM with regular re-airings throughout the week. The six episode season will wrap up soon, but it’s sure to be replayed if you have missed it. You can also find episodes online at logoonline.com , as well as recaps available at afterellen.com.

GLBT folk are appearing on more and more reality shows, ranging from major network offerings to shows on more typically gay friendly networks like LOGO and Bravo. In fact, if you are looking for out GLBTQ individuals, you are far more apt to find them on reality television than on the scripted sort. There is never a shortage of drama, whether the cast is gay or straight, so if you need mindless summer entertainment on a hot evening, Gimme Sugar may be just what you need.

My favorite show on LOGO happens to be Sordid Lives.  They recently did a series with Beth Grant, Rue McClanahan, and Leslie Jordan.  Leslie Jordan was even in drag dressed up as Tammy Wynette.  I think Sordid Lives will be the hit TV show that LOGO is looking to win the TV ratings battle!