Butch, femme, lipstick lesbian, soft butch, chapstick lesbian…what do these all mean and how should you identify yourself within the lesbian community? Queer women, lesbians and bisexual women may claim these identifiers or may not. Some women may find these nothing more than a physical description implying dress and appearance, while others integrate them more fully into their personal identities and relationships. Labels among lesbian and queer women are very often related to gender presentation and dating preferences.

Butch is a label claimed by those who wear masculine clothing and cultivate masculine behavior and personality traits. A soft butch typically favors androgynous clothing or masculine styles; however, may present in a somewhat more feminine manner. A stone butch may be sexually unavailable, preferring not to be touched. Many butch lesbians date much more feminine women by preference, although this certainly is not exclusively true. Some individuals who embrace the butch label may not be comfortable with female gender pronouns or gendered references.

Chapstick lesbians, tomboy femmes, and soft butches all fall within a somewhat androgynous gender presentation. Clothing choices are practical and comfortable, cosmetic use may be minimal, and activity is often more important than appearance. Skirts, dresses and high heels may be worn occasionally, but so can an old pair of men’s 501s and a fleece pullover. Lesbians and queer women rarely use these labels as social identifiers, but rather to simply qualify that they are neither butch nor femme.

You can find high heels, full make up and push-up bras in lesbian circles among femmes. A femme may identify as queer or lesbian, but she is consistently feminine. Femmes date butches, playing up the dichotomy between masculinity and femininity in their relationships. Femme is often very much an identity, incorporated into personality, sexuality and daily life. Social groups and websites exist to match up butches and femmes, as well as provide social get togethers within this subset of queer culture.

Lipstick lesbians may appear just as feminine as their femme counterparts; however, they don’t date butches. Lipstick lesbians typically date equally feminine women. The L-word is often cited as an example of lipstick lesbians. While butches and femmes are a distinct social subset, lipstick lesbians are less apt to integrate their sexuality into their personal identity.

While some professional and amateur sports have a reputation for being homophobic, every sport has skilled and talented gay athletes. Moreover, many sports welcome and celebrate gay and lesbian team members and individual athletes. Even in a more welcoming environment, it can be difficult to come out to a sports team, and finding opportunities to enjoy your sport that are gay friendly can be a challenge, especially for gay men. Major public sporting events, like the Olympics, do include gay athletes and at least 19 out gay and lesbian athletes have won medals in their sports.

While there are GLBTQ individuals in many mainstream sports, one of the biggest events for a gay athlete is the Gay Games. The Federation of Gay Games runs this event every four years and gay athletes of all ages, skill levels and physical challenges may compete in the Games. Winning is defined as achieving your personal best, regardless of age, health or HIV status. Find more information about the Federation and the Games at gaygames.org. The next event is scheduled to occur in 2010.

You can also find gay sporting leagues in many major cities to ensure that your team is a happy and welcoming environment. You might check local resource centers or a simple search engine search to find a team in your area. You might also check listings and information at gay.com/fitness/sports. If you are looking for a team that is inclusive, but not specifically seeking out homosexual members, it can be more challenging. You might find it helpful to simply call or email and ask the coach or team representative. You are, after all, playing for fun and it will not be fun if your sexual orientation is an issue.

While there are gay professional athletes in every sport, including male dominated team sports, not surprisingly many choose to remain in the closet at least until their careers are over. Unfortunately, the culture of games like basketball, baseball and football remains unfriendly to gay team members. Some activities are an exception to this and are, on the whole, welcoming of GLBTQ individuals. The WNBA, women’s golf and tennis are among these. Some of the best known gay athletes in the world today include skater Rudy Galindo, tennis player Billie Jean King, Olympic diver Greg Louganis, tennis player Martina Navratilova, and NBA player John Amaechi.

Young queer athletes should know that while being active in their sport, depending on the sport, can pose some challenges, the sports world is becoming more accepting. More and more gay and lesbian athletes are choosing to be public about their sexuality, encouraging their teams, sports and the public as a whole to accept that gay and lesbian people can be great athletes and bring a lot to their sports.

Well, it’s 2009. You’re going to lose weight, get organized, stop smoking, eat right, get a promotion, get a boyfriend, be a better girlfriend, and possibly save the world. Okay, so I have a significant other, don’t smoke, and I hope I’m a decent girlfriend. I usually make it about 3 weeks with the New Year’s resolutions, but keep making them every year nonetheless. I have a new planner, got the Wii Fit out of the closet, and have a pile of new recipes to try.

Which resolutions have a chance of sticking? Probably none of mine, if we’re all honest. That said, there are resolutions that work. Do you need to spend more time with friends and family? This one sticks, for many people. If you’ve resolved to learn something new, and take active steps to get started, you might manage to keep this one as well. Taking steps now, while you’re enthused and energetic about your resolutions can help you to keep them. Schedule regular time with friends today and enroll in that class or order the book.

Consider enlisting a friend or significant other for support. You may simply need someone to help keep you on track or you may want to find a friend with a similar resolution for the New Year. Getting to the gym is more likely if you have someone to go with you and eating right is easier if you’re all having salad. If you’ve committed to improving at work, make an appointment to talk to your boss and ask for a review or ask a coworker for their honest assessment. Consider hiring a personal trainer, nutritionist or organizer if you think it would help you. For some of us, putting our money where our resolutions are can make all the difference.

My partner didn’t make any resolutions. There was a speech about constant self improvement, not just at New Year’s. I don’t know that I believe this. New to do lists have appeared on my refrigerator and entries in that long ignored blog. I am glad not to be the only one hoping for a bit of self improvement in our house this year.

I’ve ticked things off my to do list, including writing this today. I’ve made a healthy dinner and called my mother. I’m off to try to figure out how to use that Wii Fit I’ve had for six months and then I think I’ll go reward myself with a brownie. I meant to bake more this year, after all…

Just think the Nation itself will have one great New Year’s Resolution accomplished bringing in a New President and hopefully seeing a brighter economy and more peace in the world.

Each school year brings some of the most interesting news when it comes to college fraternities and high school sports hazings.  Last month, several high school football players were accused of sodomizing six younger teammates with a broomstick (size queens) during training camp.  What brings on this sort of thing in testosterone driven sports and initiations in frat houses?

‘Hazings’ are also known as ‘initiations’ – things that one group of people will do to another person in order for that person to be allowed to join a group, gang or even a Fraternity. The word derives from a 17th century Scottish word meaning to frighten, scold or beat cattle while driving them, and from the French Haser, to tease or insult.

No surprises then that Hazings have received some bad press as many initiation ceremonies go further than just simple teasing, and include harassment, humiliation and even physical abuse. You may have seen movies such as The Skulls (2000) which took entry into a college fraternity as its theme – the guys there started out with fun and adventurous rituals to perform, such as stealing the weathervane from a tower. But these soon started to turn nasty and dangerous, both physically and emotionally, for the characters. And that’s the warning.

Hazing has been a popular activity in school and sports institutions for many years, especially among the male of our species. I can remember innocent things which we now call hazing; having to carry someone’s bags, or being dared to do something only slightly mischievous like make a face at a teacher behind his back. Now though these things are becoming increasingly more brutal and institutions and individuals are finding themselves in court over what they have allowed to happen. Here is an example from nola.com, dated May 2008: “Five members of a Tulane University fraternity were arrested Tuesday and five others are being sought on felony battery charges in an alleged hazing incident in which two pledges received second- and third-degree burns from boiling water and crab-boil being poured on their bodies.”

But not all hazings involve such extreme measures and there can be a lot of pleasure to be gained from viewing home videos (on the Tube sites for example) and realty movies on some adult sites – particularly as hazing is fast becoming a fetish genre in the adult industry.

Here’s an example: I searched out collegehazing.com a site dedicated to the practice of sexual humiliation among new guys at college. Images here ranged from guys who were simply ‘mooning’ (showing off their asses) to being bound and stripped. Having to flash one’s dick to the general public is a fairly common and innocuous activity, but licking someone’s ass in order to be accepted in to a football team may leave a nasty taste in the mouth, particularly if you’re a straight guy. Many of these initiations happen during parties, or certainly when there is alcohol around and it is not uncommon to see guys who are unconscious through too much drink being stripped, and even masturbated, while the others look on and the cameras click away.

So is it always a homoerotic pastime I ask myself? Is there always a sexual side to hazing? No, not always but it does seem that even the straightest of football players will stand by and watch as another guy gets naked. It may build team spirit and help the guys to bond but how far will they go to be in a team? Cyd Zeigler Jr., on outsports.com points out: Many of the acts that younger players are submitted to are also homoerotic or homosexual. Licking each other’s bodies, simulating sex acts, forced sodomy with various objects – these acts work on two levels. First, they reinforce the notion that same-sex affection is weaker; the subjected men are rarely “hazed” with forced affection from someone of the opposite sex. Second, they serve to satisfy the latent homosexuality of many of the players involved.

So hazing, in these all male situations, is about domination, both of the body and the mind. It can be seen on various levels: fun, when innocuous; sexual, when nudity, simulated and even actual sex is involved; and powerful as, at the end of the day, the group, the herd, tribe, sports team or gang is the thing that holds the power to accept or reject the person fighting for the right to join them. The trouble is, in the wrong hands or when out of control it can simply go too far.

This is it for me, folks. Thank you for making the last two years amazing ones, and please don’t be strangers!

http://www.mariaangeline.com/contact

I miss you all already.

I’m scheduled to host the International Carnival of Pozitivities, a blog carnival for people living with HIV/AIDS, on May 10th. Is anyone out there interested in taking my place?

I posted about Lambda Legal’s “Life Without Fair Courts” illustration contest here. Entries are due on March 15, 2007. Find out more about the contest by clicking on Lambda Legal’s ad in our sidebar.

See ya on Monday!

It’s been a wonderful two years around here. This blog’s most recent accomplishment, becoming a 2007 Bloggies finalist, was a completely unexpected and amazing surprise. I’ve also been able watch traffic triple since December 06:

2/12/07 – 2/18/07: 14,326 visitors, 7,504 unique visitors, 96,845 page views

01/07: 41,120 visits, 19,990 unique visitors, 379,817 page views

10/06 – 12/06: 52,585 visitors, 21,867 unique visitors, 182,985 page views

2006 (all): 203,875 visits, 80,912 unique visitors, 609,963 page views

06/05 – 12/05: 57,731 visitors, 17,172 unique visitors, 162,402 page views

I’ve had a great run with this site, but it’s time for me to give all my time and energy to other projects.

My last post here will be in the near future, possibly as soon as the first week of March. I will be starting conversations with potential buyers immediately.

The ideal purchaser of this site is someone with existing advertising contacts and/or agency connections for ad placement. At the present rate of growth, this site will be averaging 500,000 page views monthly by March; this sale is a perfect opportunity for someone to establish or extend a personal brand without having to start from scratch. This site’s domain name has been renewed through 2008. All software, script customization, images, posts, comments and site registrations are negotiable.

Interested parties should contact me here with any questions. I will respond to all inquiries within 48 hours.

If you have a blog, please link to this post to help spread the word that this site is for sale. The more people who know, the more attractive of a sale offer is possible. As my last post here draws closer, I’ll have more information for you on what’s next for DailyDoseofQueer.com.

Do you have a site for sale? Please also contact us and maybe we can combine the offers.

Queercents has announced the launch of its weekly series titled Money Mondays. The series will offer tips and hints beneficial to surviving tax season.

You can read the first two installments of Money Mondays here and here.

Queercents is the host blog of the current edition of the Carnival of Bent Attractions. Don’t forget: submissions for the next edition of the Carnival of Bent Attractions, which will be hosted at Viviane’s Sex Carnival on March 10th, are due before 12:01AM on March 2nd.

NEW! Make sure you read through our new gay money section. 

Thanks for nominating Daily Dose of Queer for the 2006 Koufax Best Single Issue Blog Award, Winter!