All you see in the media is younger people coming out. You hardly ever see the stories of older couples coming out or single gay or lesbians who have had to hide for job security, religion, or other reasons.

While coming out is nearly always a scary proposition, coming out well after adolescence or college can be especially challenging. Younger people may worry about coming out to family and friends, but as you age, your social ties change. You may have to come out to a spouse, children, and co-workers. Your worries, concerns and questions around coming out may be entirely different than those of a younger person.

Be smart about coming out. Make sure that those closest to you hear from you, and not from the local gossip channel. While you do not need to send your cousin Betty an announcement card, your parents, siblings and closest friends should be told directly. Much of the time, co-workers and your boss can wait. Depending upon your age and social network, you may find that it is more or less accepted. Consider telling a dear, trusted friend early on in the process to have a support system available. You may find that there are those in your life you simply choose not to tell, and this is also valid, especially if they are not apt to hear otherwise.

One of the most difficult situations for gay and lesbian individuals coming out as adults is telling a spouse. Regardless of the stability of your marriage, coming out will pose significant challenges to your marriage and nuclear family. If you have already made decisions about your marriage, you should be open and honest about these with your spouse. You may be unsure about what you want. Consider seeing a therapist experienced in helping couples deal with these transitions. Some people opt to stay in their marriages, acknowledging their sexuality. Others hope for a peaceful dissolution of their marriage.

Telling children also poses a number of challenges. Younger children are typically quite accepting. You may wish to consider becoming active in a local gay and lesbian parenting group to allow your children to see families like yours. Address concerns as they arise and be aware of any possible social issues that may come up for your children. Older children and adult children may feel angry, betrayed or confused. They might also simply have already known or thought they knew. You may find family counseling helpful to smooth over these relationships if need be during this time.

There are some great resources about coming out as an adult, ranging from thirty something to a senior. A recent documentary, Out Late, offers a number of coming out stories from older Americans. More information is available at bulletin.aarp.org/yourworld/reinventing. More tips on coming out in adulthood can be found at sexualityandu.ca/adults/. If you have children, or are the adult child of a gay or lesbian parent, colage.org may be of assistance.

National Coming Out Day is October 11.

Today is a great day because we see on the front cover of People magazine we see a true American Idol holding a baby. This baby will be raised by Clay Aiken who just happened to come out of the closet with this issue of People. This not only looks good for gays who are struggling to raise children on their own but for those hoping to adopt. It sets a wonderful example and we are very proud of Clay Aiken.

I thought this would be a great time to talk about Gay Adoption.

So you’re a grownup now, and mom’s nagging for a grandchild? Perhaps that biological clock is getting louder and louder or you and your partner have simply decided it’s time to bring a child into your family. Without the convenience of compatible biology, adoption is the option chosen by many gay and some lesbian couples. What are the legalities of adoption in your state? What should you know about the adoption process?

The challenges of adopting as a gay couple vary depending upon the state in which you live. In some, you may find that the adoption process, even through the state, is relatively easy. Do keep in mind that in some states, single gay parents can adopt, but the couple cannot adopt. Second parent adoption may be allowed or not. These issues all pose significant challenges to gay individuals. Gaylife.about.com provides a state by state breakdown of adoption laws. Keep in mind that laws do change frequently, and a knowledgeable and friendly social worker can be your best aid in this process.

Adopting through the state foster care system is a popular choice in states that allow this option. This is the most affordable form of adoption, and the child you are adopting often is truly in need of a loving family. You do need to consider your own willingness to adopt an older child, one with special needs, or one of a different race if choosing to adopt through the state.

If you are aiming for a private adoption, you, like any adoptive parents, will need to consider your comfort level with birth parents, and register with an agency in the hopes that a birth mother will choose you as a family for the child she is carrying. Obviously, you should be certain to seek out an agency that welcomes gay adoptive parents.

Today, many heterosexual couples choose international adoption. Unfortunately, this option is only available to gay families if they are willing to be closeted, and adopt from a country that allows for single parent adoptions. If their state then allows it, the second parent may adopt via second parent adoption laws once the international adoption is complete.

As a single parent, a gay individual may use tax credits and deductions afforded by the state and federal governments for adoption; however, as with all things, without the benefit of a marriage license the overall costs for adoption for a gay couple may be higher than they would if for a heterosexual one.

Whether or not you live in a state with legal civil unions, marriages or domestic partnership, you may be planning to celebrate your relationship with friends, family, and food for a great day or evening. From the proposal to the honeymoon, there are some great resources to help you plan a wedding, and sources for GLBT friendly wedding and commitment ceremony services. While the legalities can be a frustrating process, planning your ceremony and the reception is great fun, but can also be a lot of work. You need to choose where to have your ceremony, who to invite, plan food, flowers and wardrobe.

You may be pleasantly surprised by how many wedding vendors are happy to work with you and your partner as you plan your special day. You may even want to visit a local wedding fair or exhibition or speak to local wedding planners if you are considering having a larger ceremony and reception. Gayweddings.com is one source for planning information, vendor suggestions and more when you are beginning to plan your commitment ceremony or wedding. A site like this can also help you find wedding cake toppers, invitations and other accoutrements specifically suited to same sex ceremonies.

Keep in mind that your ceremony and reception can be as traditional or not as you prefer. You may want to choose a beautiful outdoor location, a restaurant or hotel, or a church if you participate regularly. Several denominations are typically willing to celebrate same sex unions, including the Unitarian church, United Church of Christ and Episcopalians. If you prefer a church wedding, one of these may be an option. Most secular locations will welcome you, and you will also find that many wedding chapels in liberal areas are happy to celebrate same sex relationships.

You may also be concerned about finding a GLBTQ friendly place to honeymoon with your partner. Gay.com/travel/article.html?sernum=8651 offers some tips on planning your honeymoon, as well as specific suggestions. You will also find that many all inclusive resorts are lesbian and gay friendly, and some, like Beaches even include the ceremony in your honeymoon package if you prefer a private commitment option.

A number of wedding sites aimed at younger, free thinking couples will also welcome same sex couples. Take a look at Offbeatbride.com and indiebride.com for further wedding ideas. You might also want to explore the offerings at etsy.com for invitations, RSVP cards, and even cake toppers and wedding rings. Attire can be a challenge, but consider choosing wedding outfits that suit both of your personalities and mesh well with one another without matching. You may even want to consider a period wedding or one with a theme to share an interest and shared hobby with your guests.

And congrats to California couples that finally get the chance to wed!  I never thought I would see the day I would be putting another category that said ‘wedding’ instead of ‘dating’.  I decided to call it ‘love’ since wedding sounded strange for a category.  Love is the strongest word I can use.