‘Secret’ app is bringing out the bullies in the gay scene

Pin It

secretappgaypostWe attend HRC dinners in NYC and LA to help fund the cause for gay rights. We attend Lady Gaga concerts which support a “Born This Way” organization for teen bullying. We march in gay pride parades around the world to help get the word out there that gays aren’t so bad and celebrate the fact we are not the ‘norm’. We then bully each other until we all start committing suicide and the #itgetsbetter campaign is nothing but hogwash and misleading because honestly what they face when they grow older is much worse in the gay community #sorrynotsorry. The party promoters you see on Facebook trashing other promoters, sending out vindictive tweets to others in our gay family, people gossiping at happy hour about their ex’s or setting up others to make them look bad. All of this but yet there is one thing that will really kill the gays… the ‘Secret’ app.

Oh yes the app where you can log on under the cloaked identity of a “friend” among others in your phone contacts and rant on about anything. You can tell someones got an STD or go on about an HIV status or any other slanderous activity but not have to pay the consequences of owning up to the person behind the posts.

The DC and Atlanta gay scenes in particular have been infamously cruel to a few people where friends will all gang up on a person. Since they are all connected in friends they may see the posts more often but yet it is there for the public to see and then posted on Tumblr and Facebook and even tweeted about. One person whom I will not mention nor do I know this person has been talked about from NYC to LA and he lives in Atlanta accused of stalking someone. Why not just get a restraining order on him? Why go around bullying him saying he has a small cock and hes ugly and resort to middle school things like name calling. How does #itgetsbetter at this point? We have turned into a community of bullies and everyone thinks its funny and not a serious thing.

Online anonymity is synonymous with bullying, harassment and ugly comments. That’s why YouTube and Huffington Post have moved away from anonymity in the past year. It was getting out of control. So much hate in the world. People will sit from their cubicles of judgement and look down on someone else.

Secret is not the only app that lets you go around bulling or trashing others there is Confide, Whisper and Yik Yak that have become popular and notorious with cloaked identities.

This anonymous “app” has become the modern high-tech equivalent of writing nasty things about someone on the bathroom wall and reflects a side of our gay community that takes away all that we have done for rights.

This is not a new phenomenon in our community with people being rude and mean. If you look at some of the ads on Craigslist and Grindr where people proudly request “no fems, no fats.” But this is a whole new level of vindictive younger gays who are playing dirtier than ever.

Disclosing someone’s HIV status for entertainment, ridiculing someone for their alcoholism or drug usage, hiding behind an unsigned comment, making fun of others penis sizes or weights, trashing people publicly, and anything else that goes on behind the secretively app are all things we should have grown out of after middle school or junior high. Sometimes you just have to deal with it if you dislike someone and ignore them not go off about them in a public setting. Remember that karma comes around and bites you in the ass sometimes when you do that at least I would like to think. It’s great to have a place to confess things that you did on an app but to go on about another person and mentioning their names should not be allowed. Not sure why this app has not in itself been sued for slander.

“Secret” and similar apps reward the worst or worst behavior in our community. When you watch something like the broadcast of “Normal Heart” it reminds us of our community coming together to take care of one another. It just shows that the best thing to do is settle down get a few dogs and stay far away from the community sometimes but for someone like me I enjoy the club scene and try to hang out with positive people to socialize with and carry on conversations that are not about judging others. I think everyone needs to look at the “Man in the Mirror” and ask yourself the skeletons in your closet before you go casting stones on others. Yes Ma’am!!

Waiting For The Boy Scouts of America Homophobia Badge

Pin It

Boy Scouts of America Homophobia

It’s kind of ironic that the Boys Scouts of America motto happens to be “Be Prepared”, because the way these freaks are teaching these kids those “troops” are gonna be anything but prepared for the realities of the world when they eventually go to college or otherwise manage to escape Shitsville USA (Population: 1000 Christian fundamentalists).

Here, let me explain…

The Boy Scouts of America is probably one of the largest organizations working with children on a voluntary basis in the U.S. and they’ve been at it for over 100 years. Everybody has heard of them and most people will know someone who is involved in one way or another. The organization is well supported with Barack Obama as its honorary president and ExonMobil and AT&T being major financial sponsors. Intel also donate to some of its ‘troops’.

The Boy Scouts of America proudly declares on its website that they ‘provide a program for young people that builds character, trains them in the responsibilities of participating citizenship and develops personal fitness.’ They pride themselves on ‘helping to build the Leaders of the country through combining educational activities and lifelong values with fun’. They also claim that over 100 years of experience gives them the belief that ‘helping youth is a key to building a more conscientious, responsible and productive society.’

While this all looks good on the face of it, what are the principles the Boy Scout association actually stand by? Respect? Equality? Acceptance of others? You would be forgiven for thinking this is the case, but sadly there are troops within the organization that think the best way to teach the children of America to be a civilized and responsible member of society is to enforce the discriminatory rule which excludes anyone from the LGBT community from taking part in scouting activity, and this includes as a leader or volunteer.

The Boy Scouts of America seem to think that raising children in a segregated environment, away from people who are deemed different, is the way towards a more tolerant and accepting society.
Is this because the Boy Scout movement is based on Christian beliefs or is the government partly responsible? Considering the Military now accepts LBGT applicants I struggle to blame the government entirely.

There has been a case in Iowa, where a young gay man has been turned away by the Scout movement because of his sexual orientation and because of the fact that he was raised by a Lesbian couple. A committee set up by the Scouting organization was convened to make a decision as to whether or not this ruling would still stand.  They voted in favor of continuing a ban on the LBGT community, the supreme court also ruled in favor of the ban in 2000.

The Boy Scouts of America say that the subject of sexual orientation and adult relationships should be discussed as a family and within the family setting, they have a point (of sorts). Of course an open and honest discussion within the family is important, but how many parents are going to have the conversation with their kids and say ‘It’s ok to be gay’. I think that most parents wouldn’t even consider this as an issue and some wouldn’t necessarily accept it if it was. I don’t see how having someone who is gay within a Scout troop would cause any problems with this anyway, not unless they are going to start handing out labels along with their badges for homophobia.

In a multicultural and diverse society this should not be allowed to continue, it is morally and ethically wrong on so many levels. How can the Scouting movement teach children to be a responsible member of society, when they are clearly saying that anyone within the LBGT community is a second rate citizen?

They claim that being gay goes against the Scout Law, it doesn’t. Discrimination and bigotry goes against the Scout Law, and American law, and this needs to change. In England the discrimination laws are there for everybody and no organization is exempt from this.

The Boy Scouts of America should be at risk of losing their support from sponsors until they change their stance on this and it looks like it might happen. Intel currently support individual troops of Scouts where their employees volunteer but, due to their policy on equality they refuse to support any troop which upholds the anti gay rule. While this may be just a small step towards progress, the CEO of AT&T is also against the rule and is reportedly due to take over as president of AT&T in 2014, this could mean they withdraw funding at that time unless things change.

Although this might make a difference in a small way, I think the only way any major change is going to happen is if everybody joins hands and says this is not acceptable.

If you have a motivated bone in your body, contact any one of the number of sponsors and inform them of your opinion. If you’re a customer, you might want to tell those supporting the Boy Scouts of America that you prefer not to support a company facilitating homophobia. There are plenty of competitors out there, can AT&T really afford to lose customers because they support an intolerant organization?

XY Magazine is back from the dead

Pin It

You rarely see something return from the dead as many times as this magazine pulls itself back but to our surprise XY.com and XY Magazine are back in 2011.  XY has been gone so long that it makes me wonder if the latest “generation” knows about XY magazine or if they would even buy a magazine.  The magazine has always had a great focus of great articles geared towards gay youth and sparking their interest by feeding them soft porn.  It actually does a service helping gay youth feel better about themselves and making the rest of us feel older.  Thanks XY.  I think the domain name XY.com itself could be worth a few million and am shocked they did not sell out to a big domain broker or a corporation.  I am surprised AOL did not buy XY they seem to have bought everything else that has been collapsing online and they used to have a big partnership with XY Magazine inside the slow AOL software you would just type keyword XY and the teen zine would pop up. Neato Frito!

We are excited to see this mag makes its comeback and who knows maybe they will learn how to make money with the iPad in existance as we are seeing other magazines and newspapers make comebacks on the digital pad.  If there is an app for the XY teen publication then they may be “into it” otherwise it will probably just bomb and go bankrupt or disapear once again.  We did notice one neat thing in their new format is they have a blog on their XY site now and a magazine cover maker where you can put your pic on the cover once you upload it puts the image over you and your name. 

See our suggestions on gay apps for your iPad or iPhone and read our articles on XY Magazine here.  IF you are a gay teen then check out our reads on gay bullying and what you can do about it.

16yr-olds Advice to Gay Teens

Pin It

Here is an email we received from a LGBT 16 yr old concerned about the recent gay suicides:

My names Kendall, I’m 16 and I am a lesbian and I have been ever since I can remember. I grew up in private school my entire life and I started to realize that I did like girls when I was 11.When I turned 12 I started going to a private Lutheran school and I made some good friends throughout my time there, that were actually in the closet and I didn’t even know it. Then 8th grade hit. I texted a girl saying, ‘I wanted her in my bed’ when I was completely joking and she told everyone that I was gay. I was literally mortified because 1. I could have gotten kicked out of school. 2. It was my secret, and I didn’t even fully admit it to myself by then. 3. Kids would ridicule me. Throughout that year I was pushed into walls and lockers, called lesbian, gross, weird, ect. ALL the time, spit on once, whispered about when I walked by, and laughed at. I literally didn’t want to go to school anymore. I went through a depression but put on a happy face every single day. I contemplated suicide because I thought if they can’t accept me, who can? Maybe if I die then I’ll come back as someone else. But I pulled through when allot of my friends started coming out to me. That rumor, well true rumor, helped them realize that they weren’t alone and that they can trust that at least one person wouldn’t judge them for who they are. It completely changed my outlook on things. Me being gay is a good thing, others being gay is a good thing, and you being gay is definitely a good thing. My close friend is actually going through issues with her mom right now because she found out she was gay, and she won’t accept her. I kind of blame myself for it sometimes because I made her realize she was gay, and made her comfortable enough to share it with people. Now her life is hell. It’s those moments where you start to think yourself that maybe being gay is wrong and it does hurt people. But no, it’s her mom’s fault; she’s doing the wrong not my friend who accepts herself for it. It hurts me when people can’t accept themselves or has someone that’s supposed to love them unconditionally that just won’t even try to. Even if you think you don’t “hate” gays it’s just as wrong to say ew when you see two guys kissing. It’s judging either way. If you can accept someone who has sex before marriage, who judges, and who disrespects their parents, then you can accept people who are gay. Just because some book says it’s wrong doesn’t mean that you can go out and drive people kill themselves for it. It’s just as wrong and even worse morally. If a person doesn’t love you, or doesn’t accept you for something you can’t help, they’re the ones who are wrong. I still don’t really understand why it’s so weird and wrong to be gay or why it’s not acceptable.. But I guess our society isn’t developed enough yet. Kids, teens, parents, people of the world, if we just work together to make this world a loving, place, we can save a lot of lives. I’m not judging people who judge me, so they shouldn’t judge me for liking the same gender. These suicides, the bullying, and the judgment NEEDS to stop. If you’re thinking about suicide, remember that you are not alone. There is always someone there to help.

Keep the stories coming in we want to hear from you!

Gay Teens Need to Be Heard

Pin It

There was another gay suicide in Oklahoma near OU this week and it getting worse and worse. We need more gay teens who can shaire their story. It is good sometimes to write and let it all out rather than to leave things inside you. Feel free to use our blog to share your stories by sending us via email gaysitedude @ gmail.com or writing a post. If you are a gay, bi, transgender, lesbian, or are friends with a teen and you or your friend has debated suicide and you prevented it let us know your story needs to be heard.

We want to hear from you about anything and everything. If you would like to post a blog on here let us know get your voice out there. Our community must come together stronger. We can do this and end the suicides!


Gay Teen Suicides

How to Respond to Bullying in Schools
We have support of some wonderful people

Kathy Griffin Speaks to Gay and Straight Teens

Pin It

Kathy Griffin speaking up about the recent gay suicides. The comedian gets serious for a minute to make some good points that if you live in a Republican blue state that you are not alone being gay and should not feel lonely you have someone and the reasons for sticking around and seeing change. One gay person to idolize is Suze Orman and that is so true Suze is everything to be and the perfect role model and she is a lesbian.

Gay Teens/College Students: Be Proud. Show the Bullies.

Pin It

This is a message to my fellow gay teens and college students.

The teen and college years are hard in many ways because we want to fit in so bad.  Try not to care so much about what everyone else thinks.  There is only one person who is in charge of things and that is you.  Do not ever let anyone bring you down.  It is easy to say and takes a lot of strength sometimes but you have to get away from letting the bullies put negative thoughts in your head about you.  Bullies are unhappy people even though they seem like they are better than you they are NOT.  You must believe in yourself and know you can achieve more than them.

If you are bullied things to do-

1. Tell everyone what happened. If they don’t believe you seek unlocal advice.
2. Call 1-866-488-7386 @TrevorProject
How to Respond to Bullying in Schools

Keep strong, Be Hugged
1. Find friends ask them for a hug now and then. People need to give more love and show more support.
2. Don’t ever let yourself get too weak. You do not want anyone to think you are vulnerable. Show your strength.

Even in the gay community we have bullies and like when I signed onto Grindr the other day some guy said some damaging things to me but it shows hes a bitter mean spirited and hate filled person. My success shows much more strength than the weapons he is using to hurt me. You just have to accept that NOT everyone is going to like you. This was a guy that has hated me for 3 years or so. Poor thing with his hate. No one has everyone like them there will always be critics and people who are jealous. Lady Gaga, Madonna, and newer stars such as Adam Lambert you can see just in the media what kind of hate they go through but you may not see their more closer friends and communities that show hate for them that hurts them more than anything. If you look at the Youtube comments that people leave on anyone’s video you will see how mean people are to anyone.. especially gays but we can build strength in that.

Don’t Listen to the Hate, They are not Happy People
People like Sally Kern (R) in Oklahoma who preach hate help the bullies in their journey to beat us down but if you looked inside her life more closely you will most likely see a very saddened woman who has no love for anything. She says she has a love for God but I really don’t think she knows what Jesus stands for or realize that God made everyone. I mean when you think of people like Sally or Rush Limbaugh you think man these bullies need to get laid don’t they? Which is what the bullies in school are probably dealing with they have had girls turn them down then they take things out on YOU to make themselves feel better.

Life is like that people focus their hate on someone to make their lives easier just like the media focused on Britney Spears for so long it made them money, made all the couch potato sports obsessed hypocritical families feel better about themselves when they looked in the mirror at night, and turned us all into hypocrites. Britney came out ‘Stronger’ even after all that hate geared towards her. I am sure she thought of suicide but then thought hell no I want to show these people. People were taking bets on her suicide. That is how cruel people are but that is how the world turns and you have to fight back with your own success or happiness.

Stay Proud, Stay Fabulous. Give Hugs. And remember LOVE is a greater power than hate and fear.

Age of porn models

Pin It

These are just some thoughts designed to make you think:

There will always be a controversy about the age of models appearing in gay porn. I am talking about the younger models here of course, as anyone who can prove that they are over 18 years of age may appear in pornography if they so chose, straight or gay, and heaven knows I’ve seen enough retired men and women making some pension-boosting money from appearing in porn movies.

But, if someone has proved that they are over the minimum age, why should there be a controversy? We’ve seen, in the past, some well known models (or those who went on to become well known) get themselves caught up in a ‘scandal’ for one reason or another. Lying about their age at the time is a common one, and unscrupulous producers knowingly using under-age models is another, though thankfully less common, reason.

In the USA there is a code called Title 18, section 2257, sometimes simply known as ‘2257’. This is a requirement of producers of adult material to be able to prove the legal minimum age of their models at the time of photography, or filming. You will see this at the bottom of many pages on most porn sites, certainly all those produced in the USA should carry a link to a page, or information, where anyone can find out the address of the producer/keeper of records, and make an enquiry into the age of a certain model. If an enquiry is made then the company must be able to produce documentation backing up and proving their claim that their models were over 18 when filmed. That’s the simple version of the code. And it means that, in the USA, producers must have copies of things like driving license, ID, etc. on file, by name of model, showing that they were legally allowed to appear in porn at that time.

That’s good, it’s something that all good and respectable porn producers would want to have, and insist on having before they get a guy naked. But it actually only applies to the United States. So, when you find a company from, for example, Europe, stating their 2257 information, it actually doesn’t mean anything, legally. It has been taken as good practice by good producers, no matter what their country of residence and business. (Other countries have other laws, some have no laws at all.)

But it’s always interested me to notice that many a ‘teen’ and even ‘twink’ site that carries content featuring ‘just 18’ etc. boys will have their 2257 address of records in a place like Cyprus, or Prague. Are they really based there? Is this just a way of avoiding the legalities? And if so, why? And what happens if you are based in the Czech Republic but your servers are in America and your content comes from Spain? Where do you stand legally then? It’s a bit of a minefield.

And there is another one. What about those sites (I won’t mention names here as I don’t want to get caught up in the fuss) that feature young looking models. What’s the difference between someone who is 18 or 19 but who looks 16 or 17 appearing in a movie, as opposed to someone who is actually 16 or 17 appearing in one? Obviously it’s not legal, in most countries, to show under-age nudity and it’s probably not moral either, although that point could me argued on a personal level. And yet there are many sites around where the models look younger than they are, and we’re told that they are ‘just 18’ etc. to start with.

It looks like there is a fine line between under-age porn actors and porn actors who look underage.

Just as a final, slightly unrelated thought, I’ll leave you with this. A couple of years ago there was a controversy because a famous actor, who was then 17, appeared naked on stage, in London, in a play. You could go and see him nude live on stage, but you couldn’t show photos of him nude on the web – though people did.

Boy Band Auditions

Pin It

The female divas have been taking over lately and we know what that means it must be time for the boys to step in and take the stage. Every four years or so it seems we have a Boy Band resurgence or something close to that. Where would they get prom songs if it weren’t for Boy Bands? Well hold on no longer…

Perez Hilton, Jamie King, and Simon Fuller the American Idol Creator are bringing you a new show called Boy Band Search (boybandsearch.com).
Jamie King, is THE MAN of this group and a someone any boy band would die to work with. King happens to be the director of Britney Spear’s 2009 Circus Tour, Madonna’s Sticky and Sweet world tour which was just named Top Tour for 2009 by Billboard Magazine. But get this Jamie King is also the director of Madonna’s record-breaking Confessions world tour – which in my opinion was the best concert of all time and has not YET been topped by anyone. Remember the concert where she came down from the cross?

If you are between the ages of 13 and 21 years old and think (we mean KNOW) you are an excellent singer or dancer then you better submit your video for this soon. Make sure you have a unique voice to be a teen boy band idol. Think N’SYNC, 98 Degrees, Backstreet Boys, and NKOTB (New Kids on the Block). I’d go back and take some notes from these groups before applying and make sure you offer something unique. See what each boy band such as Westlife offered or N’SYNC offered that Backstreet boys or NKOTB did not.

XY.com Gay Youth Site Closed?

Pin It

We had a highly popular thread not long ago about XY Magazine and its fate. There has been concern over issues that never came in the mail and if the magazine was still even around. Now we see that the main website of xy.com, a prime domain name and listed in the top 600k sites in the world is down. Xy.com featured personals, chat, and listings of clubs and businesses.

I emailed a few emails I had on hand for the staff over at Xy and had no reply. I assume either someone has purchased the site from the magazine’s owner or they can simply not afford hosting anymore. With the dismiss of many websites and news organizations in 2009, we are not sure what to expect.

Some of the traffic on Xy goes over to YGA Mag, which stands for the Young Gay America Magazine. This is a magazine that I have not seen printing that often and not getting the circulation that XY once had in bookstores across America. The neat thing about XY is that it was at the Barnes and Noble in Mid-America where that gay youth could find something to feel good about and give them hope. It was great to be able to find a treasure like XY at a local bookstore in nowhere, America.

Next Page »

Copyright © 2005-2012 Gay & Lesbian Queer Blog