Comments on: ‘Party Bisexual’: Progressive or Derogatory? http://www.dailydoseofqueer.com/2006/07/13/%e2%80%98party-bisexual%e2%80%99-progressive-or-derogatory/ Wed, 01 Feb 2012 15:16:38 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Bitheway http://www.dailydoseofqueer.com/2006/07/13/%e2%80%98party-bisexual%e2%80%99-progressive-or-derogatory/comment-page-1/#comment-43766 Bitheway Thu, 15 May 2008 23:26:13 +0000 http://www.dailydoseofqueer.com/2006/07/10/%e2%80%98party-bisexual%e2%80%99-progressive-or-derogatory/#comment-43766 The bisexual community doesn't exist in the way the gay or lesbian community exists. We remain pretty invisible. Especially when you think that bi person seen in a same sex relationship is always presumed gay and a bi person in a mixed sex relationship is always presumed straight. Add to that, as recently as 2004(?) The New York Times claimed (wrongly) that bisexuality doesn't exist. So I think you have to be careful when introducing new labels as there is a risk of stigmatisation. Even the kinder definition of "party bisexual" seems to imply a closet case. And whilst there are closet bisexuals (often we have two closets) if the word is over popularised, alcohol will become as synonymous with bisexuality as orgies. That's not a burden a community struggling for visibility really needs. The bisexual community doesn’t exist in the way the gay or lesbian community exists. We remain pretty invisible. Especially when you think that bi person seen in a same sex relationship is always presumed gay and a bi person in a mixed sex relationship is always presumed straight. Add to that, as recently as 2004(?) The New York Times claimed (wrongly) that bisexuality doesn’t exist. So I think you have to be careful when introducing new labels as there is a risk of stigmatisation.

Even the kinder definition of “party bisexual” seems to imply a closet case. And whilst there are closet bisexuals (often we have two closets) if the word is over popularised, alcohol will become as synonymous with bisexuality as orgies.

That’s not a burden a community struggling for visibility really needs.

]]> By: spicycauldron http://www.dailydoseofqueer.com/2006/07/13/%e2%80%98party-bisexual%e2%80%99-progressive-or-derogatory/comment-page-1/#comment-5922 spicycauldron Fri, 14 Jul 2006 06:49:27 +0000 http://www.dailydoseofqueer.com/2006/07/10/%e2%80%98party-bisexual%e2%80%99-progressive-or-derogatory/#comment-5922 Indeed. Not only drinking people pretty but making them so under the influence of all manner of drugs. I don't like the term 'party bisexual' but I am reminded of a joke we tell over here in the UK. It goes like this: What's the difference between a straight man and a gay man? Eight pints of lager! The thing is, there's truth in the joke and a significantly huge number of gay men can relate stories of how straight men became interested in them after drinking or taking drugs. I used to tire of one club in London which was straight but an enjoyable place to hang out; every time I went there, I eventually found myself sat in front of a wasted straight guy asking me, in order: Why are you gay? How did you find out you're gay? What's sex like? Have you ever... [insert sexual acts]? Do you think I might be? And then they go on to say they've thought about it, they're interested... Those kind of guys assumed (a) I was into them, a common hetero vanity and (b) were nearly always on the point of asking me to 'go gentle' even though my interest and consent (or not) had not been solicited. I invariably ran out the door, in one way or another, leaving them to exercise with another guy, if they found one, their right to experiment with their usual barriers lowered by drugs. I have every respect for all people who give respect back, no matter our divergent sexualities providing we exercise informed choices and operate through consent. Bisexuality is much maligned, not by me, for it provides a bridge of understanding through which we can destroy the lies of labels which determine you're either one or the other. We all, in determining our friendships and lifestyles, reveal sexuality not only to be about who we have sex with but the people we're attracted to, full stop. I get warm, fuzzy feelings with a lesbian friend of mine for whom I have the utmost respect - but sleep together? Lord, no! Never. We do, however, have a loving friendship and I only wish more emphasis were placed on love in our society instead of coining new terms to harangue those for whom sexuality is anything but a fixed, or purely genital-based, thing. x Indeed. Not only drinking people pretty but making them so under the influence of all manner of drugs. I don’t like the term ‘party bisexual’ but I am reminded of a joke we tell over here in the UK. It goes like this:

What’s the difference between a straight man and a gay man? Eight pints of lager!

The thing is, there’s truth in the joke and a significantly huge number of gay men can relate stories of how straight men became interested in them after drinking or taking drugs. I used to tire of one club in London which was straight but an enjoyable place to hang out; every time I went there, I eventually found myself sat in front of a wasted straight guy asking me, in order: Why are you gay? How did you find out you’re gay? What’s sex like? Have you ever… [insert sexual acts]? Do you think I might be? And then they go on to say they’ve thought about it, they’re interested…

Those kind of guys assumed (a) I was into them, a common hetero vanity and (b) were nearly always on the point of asking me to ‘go gentle’ even though my interest and consent (or not) had not been solicited. I invariably ran out the door, in one way or another, leaving them to exercise with another guy, if they found one, their right to experiment with their usual barriers lowered by drugs.

I have every respect for all people who give respect back, no matter our divergent sexualities providing we exercise informed choices and operate through consent. Bisexuality is much maligned, not by me, for it provides a bridge of understanding through which we can destroy the lies of labels which determine you’re either one or the other. We all, in determining our friendships and lifestyles, reveal sexuality not only to be about who we have sex with but the people we’re attracted to, full stop. I get warm, fuzzy feelings with a lesbian friend of mine for whom I have the utmost respect – but sleep together? Lord, no! Never. We do, however, have a loving friendship and I only wish more emphasis were placed on love in our society instead of coining new terms to harangue those for whom sexuality is anything but a fixed, or purely genital-based, thing. x

]]> By: UMLawGirl07 http://www.dailydoseofqueer.com/2006/07/13/%e2%80%98party-bisexual%e2%80%99-progressive-or-derogatory/comment-page-1/#comment-5911 UMLawGirl07 Tue, 11 Jul 2006 11:50:01 +0000 http://www.dailydoseofqueer.com/2006/07/10/%e2%80%98party-bisexual%e2%80%99-progressive-or-derogatory/#comment-5911 Sorry that I've not opined here, I simply can't decide. On one day I feel one way and then I feel the opposite. In the end, I don't think I like it, for a host of reasons, including the concern raised in the article. But, also, I think, because it tends to suggest that a person can be both heterosexual AND bisexual and I think that's heteronormativity run amok. I would much rather see people own their bisexuality. Sorry that I’ve not opined here, I simply can’t decide. On one day I feel one way and then I feel the opposite. In the end, I don’t think I like it, for a host of reasons, including the concern raised in the article. But, also, I think, because it tends to suggest that a person can be both heterosexual AND bisexual and I think that’s heteronormativity run amok. I would much rather see people own their bisexuality.

]]> By: Nina http://www.dailydoseofqueer.com/2006/07/13/%e2%80%98party-bisexual%e2%80%99-progressive-or-derogatory/comment-page-1/#comment-5909 Nina Mon, 10 Jul 2006 12:39:47 +0000 http://www.dailydoseofqueer.com/2006/07/10/%e2%80%98party-bisexual%e2%80%99-progressive-or-derogatory/#comment-5909 Partygoers have been "drinking people pretty" for years. This rule applies to gays, straights and bi-sexuals. Partygoers have been “drinking people pretty” for years. This rule applies to gays, straights and bi-sexuals.

]]>